Magical wolf shirts, doomed German hedgehogs, or: Internet writing at its finest

May 8, 2009 at 3:30 pm Leave a comment

Is this hedgehog doomed ????

I haven’t posted anything in awhile. (I’m blaming this on work stress + a new workout regime that takes up time that I used to be able to spend on blogging). In any case, I intend to remedy this issue today by commenting on the glory of Internet writing. And by glory I mean, well … you’ll see.

First up, an customer review. The product is a “Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt,” which reviewer “B. Govern” from New Jersey claims is so magical that it attracts women. As he so wittily writes, “Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women.” To which I say: How can you NOT spend $15 and immediately purchase one?

Of course, I can’t really classify this tidbit as an example of “bad Internet writing.” After all, it’s a customer review. And if the writer isn’t serious, he may have a future in satire. (If he is serious and actually thinks this t-shirt is magical, he may have a future in therapy).

Next up is a rather harrowing piece on a slew of German hedgehog deaths, attributed to, as the article so gaily puts it, “deadly ice cream tubs.” No doubt the dangers of human waste for animals is a serious issue. But it’s a little hard to take this issue seriously when the story’s lede begins, “Think of your favorite activity or food and imagine that you die doing it or eating it.” (Which immediately made me think of one of my favorite activities, panda-watching, and its various perils.)

The article gets worse – or better, depending on your point of view. The photo captions of Spike, the doomed hedgehog, include “quotes” from the little guy, like, “One little lick won’t kill me … will it?” (We all know how that story ends.) Not to mention the rest of the lede, which reads: “Most of us will agree that this [dying eating something you love] would be a good way to go. The hedgehogs of Nuremberg don’t agree, however. Because they’re dead.”

Ahhh, journalism at its finest!

And, quite frankly, Internet writing at its finest. Or worst. Again, depending on your point of view …


Entry filed under: Quirk.

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